Behind the scenes: a trick, or treat?*

by Anonymous

*Please note: this is not to be taken seriously and is merely the creativity of some of our journalists. NO judgment! Do not try any of this at home, except step 9.

Step 1: Get a dancing kangaroo with seven noses and a ghost mouth with 2 shark teeth, five human teeth, 1 dinosaur tooth and 67 moose teeth. 

Step 2: Eat a day and ½ and a minute old pizza that has been air fried, air dried, and air-infused. 

Step 3: Along with that eat a brigade of giraffe space goats.

Step 4: Eat a little itsy bitsy mouse-y, notably not a itsy mouse-y.

Step 5: Put step 4 on a sign and wear it. 

Step 6: Don’t forget the skeleton tail attached to its left eye tear duct with styrofoam.

Step 7: Put an ariel style red wig on the giraffe to the second left. No, not that left!

Step 8: Make sure you have a 1,000,000,453 lb bookshelf attached to your back using dollar store twine.

Step 9: Get some glasses while you're at the dollar store (unless you can read this from five feet away)! 

Step 10: And maybe grab a spare dead rabbit or two. Or three. And attach them to your fingers with matcha colored glue. 

Step 11: Have a pride flag cape covering your eyes so you can't see! This is very important, kids! 

Step 12: Have a non recyclable, recyclable mammoth tusk placed precariously on Space Goat 385, slightly leaning to the left at a 87.78º angle. 

Step 13: Have a christmas tree as a broomstick because there are a lot of people out there who are already past halloween and onto christmas, those snotty-pig-backed-elephant-immatators. 

Step 14: Lastly, do this all upside down on the eiffel tower in the south of Malaysia, with a monkey tailor to assist that speaks French and Latin and Morse code and has a degree in Blabber Jabber from Yale. That also dropped out of Yale and went rogue and decided to follow its dreams of cake decorating using old socks and water guns.

Step 14a:  Have a nice day and don't forget to cry ladybug lights! And prepare for the anti-dinosaur apocalypse featuring that random neighbor that is next door because they are your neighbor and a whole bunch of eye like things that are actually nostril hairs who wanted to be pop stars, and accidentally became k-pop stars, broke their nonexistent eardrums and fled the world to mars, but the ameboes there liked french art, got disappointed so they gathered the IGCS (inter-galactic cat society) to use old car parts to create an eyebrow that has the power of a dying star mixed with some apple juice for potency, and promptly imploded because they realized that 2349573209457328553452345 is smaller than 5.893.

Step 15: EAT ITTTTTTTT (and then the side part of actually wearing it on halloween)

Step 16: Realize that even though step 14a said that it was the last step that the extra things you do keep going.

Step 17: Lick the bottom of a bucket filled with cows that have scorpion wings. THen spit in the bucket.

Step 18: Take the fungus grown from the bucket and put it in a salad and eat to gein the powers of a beatle man.

Step 19: Thank our sponsor, the killer mouse who became a serial killer and broke the lows of seventy three types of physics.

PS: if you squint at a tree it will turn into a purple and pink grasshopper with fairy hands and kale stuck to its non-exsistent ears :) :) :) :) :) :) ;)

PSS: Goodbye.